…cramp

Journal,
He tells me, “Honey, three is it! That’s all. There will be no more children for us. You cannot afford to lose any more brain cells.” T

The loss of brain cells really begins long before the actual birth. The marked decline begins at conception. It’s easy to imagine that it’s primarily due to the concentration of bodily functions that must align and cooperate to arrange all those little cells in the pattern of a tiny human body, and as a person who rightly should have been named Hap Hazard, I think we’re in trouble.

Journal,
With this pregnancy, I am unable to learn or to remember most things. I’m shockingly absent minded and lackadaisical. This is not like me. I am usually so ordered, meticulous…
Okay, so there was really not that much of a change, but enough for him to notice anyway. So…? T.

Hobbyists that build trains or ittybitty mansions in minute, exacting detail know how difficult it is to work on a 1/8th scale. Creating such a tiny being with such precision is a real study in concentration. That explains my lack of functionality during those nine months in every other aspect of life.

Journal,
I could sleep 20/7. The remaining four hours could then be dedicated to nonstop eating. That’s the sum total of all I’m good for.
Munch, munch, snore, T.

Fortunately, a functioning brain is unnecessary for the first few months after birth, as one is just a nocturnal cow in a cave, doing nothing more than feeding and sleeping. By the time a modicum of grey matter is required, (to decide which outfit matches baby food best,) the cells remarkably regenerate and I can function again.

Along with the loss of brain function, the husband is averse to altering the familial equation for another reason. He’s run the numbers and evaluated the percentage for error that comes with parenting and he knows the odds are against us.

Journal,
My friend’s son is a basketball player and she has learned that with one child you can double-team your defense, and when the second arrives, that puts you one-on-one. But with the third, suddenly the tables turn and you have to work with a zone defense and seasoned players know that this defense is never successful long term.

On the bright side, my friend did calculate that a two to three parent/child ratio, guarantees that at any one moment, one child is guaranteed to feel the outcast and be disgruntled and that can make up for a lot. T.